...she has an uncanny way of standing between
me and the television screen.
Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies,
and all I can see is her butt. --Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
... she was furious when I got up early
once and made her breakfast. Called
me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone
what she'd have? --Ted, Wexford, Pa.
...what's mine is hers. I buy her
negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When
she's cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my
half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I'm
tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do. --Dave, Martha's
...you can hear her eat soup from the next
room.--Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.
...my wife thinks everyone should be a
vegetarian. During meals, she asks
people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops
used to be
smarter than their dogs.--Miles, Shreveport, La.
...she'll brush her teeth but she won't go
to the dentist. She says she's not afraid
of the pain, she just doesn't want to put herself in the hands of any
to be a dentist.--Terence, Gary, Ind.
...she's stopped shaving her legs. She says
that now people will know she's a
blonde.--Ned, Tucson, Ariz.
...she takes her half of the bed out of
the middle.--Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.
...have you ever seen a woman with green
crust and slime smeared over her face,
dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you'd be able to sleep at night,
creature is next to you?--Arthur, Cedar City, Utah
...my wife's allergic to everything. Her
nose is chronically stuffed. If I kissed her
the mouth, she'd suffocate.--Bryan, Toledo, Ohio
...she wears these false eyelashes. She
left 'em lying around and I slammed 'em
with my newspaper, tried to kill the darn things. Scared me half to death.
Oklahoma City, Okla.
...she takes those soaps too seriously. I'll
come home and find her in tears
because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy's having a
affair.--Archie, St. Louis
...it annoys her that our children look
like me. --James, New Orleans
...counting my wife and our teenage girls,
that's four women. Somebody's
got PMS. --Everett, Little Rock, Ark
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