"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" - Satchel Paige

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding
a sickness you like." - Jackie Mason

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, ... it doesn't
matter. - Mark Twain

Age only matters if you're cheese.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway; the
good fortune to run into the ones I do; and the eyesight to tell the
difference!

He who laughs, lasts.

I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before
I can ask where I left my glasses.

I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right
places.

Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9:00 PM.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.

The big thing today is computer dating. If you don't know how to run a
computer it really dates you.

The golden years: When actions creak louder than words.

There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so
won't cure.