Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
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There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look
for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt.
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Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
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The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere ... and let the air out of their tires. -Dorothy Parker
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Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
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Families are like fudge .. Mostly sweet with a few nuts.
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Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
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Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
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Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
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The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
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One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
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If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
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Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters
and too young to borrow the family car.
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Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can
happen to you the rest of the day!
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and
wonder what else you can do while you're down there.