Q Should I have a baby after 35?
A No, 35 children is enough.

Q I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A Childbirth.

Q My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes
she's borderline irrational.
A So what's your question?

Q My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q When is the best time to get an epidural?
A Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife's
in labor?
A Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A Yes! Pregnancy.

Q Do I have to have a baby shower?
A Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A When the kids are in college.