Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common
Sense. Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States
from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one really
knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in
bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no
power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such
valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the
early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you! earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in
charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of
the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological
Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends
including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his
health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-
person-it's-worth-it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages
of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as
good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly
deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing
a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after
lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only
worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to
get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not
inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an
abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments
became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received
better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in
everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when
a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot,
was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was
kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such
as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.