Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF
factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the
glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If
your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply
look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?"

Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the
doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing
hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly
into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through
your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say
"I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the
shots are SO expensive."

Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy
urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted
us to scatter her ashes."

Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty
wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears
as you say "Jr did this the week before that unspeakable accident and
I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner
with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave
dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look,
throw yourself on the couch and sigh "I clean and I clean and I still
don't get anywhere."

Ironing: Stack of laundry: become a constitutionalist! Everyone
knows how hard we fought for the "freedom of the press".