And the lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it
rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people
are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind
of living thing on the planet. You are commanded to build an Ark."

And in a flash of lightening, He delivered the specifications for the Ark.
"Okay," said Noah, nervously fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six Months, and it starts to rain,"' directed the Lord. "Please have the
Ark completed, or all will be swimming for a very long time."

Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall.

The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. And there
was no Ark.

"Noah," said the Lord. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were
big problems.

First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction process, and
your plans didn't meet code. I had to hire an engineer to re-draw the
plans.

Then I got in a big fight over whether the Ark needed a fire sprinkler
system.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the
Ark in my front yard. I had to get a variance from the City Planning
Commission.

Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a
ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I had to convince the U.S.
Fish & Wildlife Commission that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they
wouldn't let me catch the owls, so, no owls. The carpenters formed a union
and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National
Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now
we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, but no owls.

Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights
group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got
the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark
without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood
plan. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over
the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted
a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe.

"Right now I'm trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire. The
IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by
leaving the country. And I just got notice from the state about owing some
kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least
another five years." Noah wailed. The sky began to clear. The sun began to
shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" he asked
hopefully. "No," said the Lord sadly. The government already has."