You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.

The scripture lesson is on "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and
His Ark of Many Colors."

The choir performs "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" - as a polka!

They believe that an elected official attending religious services
is a violation of the separation of Church and state.

A week before Christmas the pastor announces the church
will be "closed for the holidays."

Everyone agrees the temperature in the Sanctuary is absolutely perfect!

The music director has you sing "Amazing Grace" in the
round (a la "row row row your boat").

The church picnic will be held at KFC this year.

The sign out front says "Church-Lite: Home of the original ten
minute Sermonette, and the 7.5 Percent Tithe."

Every illustration the preacher uses somehow refers to
"those hilarious Budweiser frogs".

The missions budget just got cut in half, but the church
treasurer just bought a "kickin'" new Harley.

New "Purpose-Driven" mission statement includes vague
reference to jello-wrestling.

New head greeters: Mike Tyson and WWF President Vince McMahon.

On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their pastor.

On the offering envelopes is printed "Please make checks
payable directly to the pastor."