The pastor wears his golf togs in the pulpit.

The organist is Boris Karloff or appears to be his stunt double.

The floral arrangement on the altar is in the shape of a big
horseshoe... that reads "Hollywood Park."

The acolytes are roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over the altar
candles.

People in the last 10 pews are yelling for more pepperoni pizza with
anchovies.

Everyone is handcuffed together at the ankles before preaching starts.

You get a phone call from their national telemarketer on Monday trying to
sell you Bibles at discount by the case.

You are asked to fasten your seatbelt before the service begins moving.

You are told your offering is nice but the ushers want your wallet, watch,
and wedding rings too.

You are the only person in the sanctuary and it's 15 minutes after
church is scheduled to start.

The confessional has a coin slot and a hand lever.

The baptismal fount has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two
or three seated adults, and looks suspiciously like a jacuzi.

The pastor search committee never disbands.

Bill Clinton is the speaker of the day and his topic is "Morality In
America - How To Be A Shining Example".

You have to tip the usher to get a good seat right up front...