Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..

You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
quota..

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
on the side..

The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart..

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV..

You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler..

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table..

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart..

Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
brings you home..

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
improvement..

You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty..

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph..

Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
take them out to see what it is.